


It's Just a Little Crush

by CupcakeGirlA



Category: Olympics RPF, Real Person Fiction, Speed Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-26
Updated: 2011-12-26
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeGirlA/pseuds/CupcakeGirlA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at JR Celski’s hopeless (or is it?) crush on Apolo Anton Ohno.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Just a Little Crush

JR’s spent a good deal of his life fantasizing about Apolo Anton Ohno. When he was little and Apolo was just the cool kid who skated so much faster than JR’s brothers, JR wanted to be his friend; for Apolo to come over to play with him, to skate with him. He wanted to be as fast as Apolo, as good as Apolo, to be liked by Apolo. Then Apolo sort of disappeared, and JR got over his fixation. Then he popped up on their TV one wintery day in February of 2002, all long hair, and bandana, and silly chin scruff. JR was only 12, but he already knew he liked boys. Seeing Apolo in the skinsuit, racing around so fast, winning, and smiling, and waving to the crowd… Well it had a profound effect on JR. At 12 years old he rediscovered his Apolo fixation. Only now he wanted to be Apolo’s boyfriend, and to be liked by Apolo THAT way, while at the same time wanting to be as fast as Apolo (on the ice), as good as Apolo (on the ice), and to be liked by Apolo (on the ice and off). JR doesn’t get obsessed. It’s a lot less crazy then that. It’s just that at 12, he sees the hot young buff guy with the long hair and the killer smile, who’s so awesome, and he half wants to be him, and half wants to kiss him. 

Luckily a good part of that crush dies off as he starts to fall completely for the sport. He still likes Apolo, still dreams about him, still thinks about him, but it’s secondary. He wants the ice, getting to meet Apolo, or see Apolo skate in person, become goals that are attainable because of his own ability on the ice. He likes to think that somewhere between the ages of 12 and 15 he matured somewhat. He’d also like to think he didn’t make a complete fool of himself when he meets Apolo for the first time in a decade, but he looks back at the huge grin on his face, caught and immortalized in the pictures his mom took that day and knows there’s no way to rewrite that history. 

By 17, he’s skating against Apolo a couple of times a year, and by 18 he’s in SLC as part of the National Team, skating beside him every single day. This both hurts and helps his crush. He learns how to act normal around Apolo, even becomes his friend. He gets better and better at hiding how he feels, but at the same time, he gets to know Apolo. He learns Apolo’s quirks, and watches him spazz out and goof off. He watches Apolo mentor Simon and gets mentored himself. He gets to see all the different sides of Apolo, the sides you only get to see when you spend 8 hours a day in someone’s back pocket. 

He knows Apolo. He’s seen Apolo determined to win a race, pushing through pain, laughing so hard he’s out of breath afterward and his face has turned bright red. He’s seen Apolo contemplative, and pissed off, exhausted, and even once sick. That had been a whopper of a day; Apolo showing up with a fever and wanting to practice anyway only for the coaches to forbid it. They’d taken his skates away, as if he were a stubborn child, and Travis had driven him home and put him to bed, Apolo scowling the whole way. He’s trained with Apolo, partied with Apolo, joked with Apolo, and to be honest, fallen a bit in love with Apolo. All of this exposure to Apolo, seeing the many sides of Apolo, well it’s kind of fueled JR’s dreams and his fantasies. For instance, JR’s very familiar with Apolo’s thighs. He’s witnessed them in action on the ice wearing skin tight lycra, and in gym shorts during dry-land, stairs exercises, and in the gym lifting well over a thousand pounds. It’s easy to fantasize about them wrapped around his head, or his waist, but more often than not, pressed against the back of his own. He’s seen them flex, and strain, and get all sweaty. He’s kind of developed a thing for Apolo’s thighs, but for more than just that; but also for his arms, and his chest, and his voice. 

With all of that sensory input, which includes the way Apolo feels (multiple hugs, back slaps, on ice collisions, and even a noogie or two), the way Apolo smells (after a workout, fresh from the shower, and getting ready for a date) and the way Apolo sounds (He’s heard him grunt, and groan, and moan. And sure he knows the sounds Apolo makes in bed are probably not identical to the sounds he makes when lamenting a lost race, breathing through a strained muscle, catching his breath after a hard sprint, or moaning with delight over a contraband sundae, but it’s close enough for JR to imagine) JR has plenty of fodder for his fantasies. JR has a pretty good idea what it would be like to be in bed with Apolo. The man is self-confident and assertive, and kind, so JR imagines Apolo taking control and being gentle, but also being kind of powerful. The number of scenarios he’s come up with of how Apolo and he might finally get together are too numerous to recount. But he definitely has some favorites, some stranger and less plausible than others. 

He knows, for example, that the idea of Apolo grabbing him on the ice mid-practice, flinging him down on the floor of the rink and ravaging him in front of the team, their coaches, and whomever else is in the oval is pretty high on the list of impossibilities. For one thing, the ice is fucking cold. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t want frost bite on the parts of his anatomy most likely to be exposed during a good ravaging. For another, Apolo might like attention, but not that kind of attention. Yet for some reason he likes that fantasy. In his mind it’s cold but not freezing laying on the ice, and as soon as Apolo touches him, kisses him, everyone else fades away, and it’s just them, surrounded by the smell and the (muted) feel of the ice around them.

In one of the (slightly) more plausible (and not by much) fantasies, it happens in the showers at the rink. It’s late, and most everyone has gone home, and there’s no chance of anyone walking in on them. This in itself is impossible, because there’s always someone at the oval. But in the fantasy there’s no worry of that. JR goes to take a shower, and Apolo walks up right behind him, wraps his arms around his waist, and starts to kiss his neck, one hand going down to grip JR’s erection. In the fantasy JR doesn’t jump, he’s not even surprised; he just leans back into Apolo’s arms, turns his head and starts to kiss him. Things progress from there in the usual way. 

JR thinks he’s figured out all the ways it could possibly happen, until it actually does. 

It’s a Saturday night in December, and practice has run long. JR’s only been back in SLC for a few weeks, after rehab from the accident at Olympic Trials. So, he stays after practice for the trainers to massage his leg, and test his range of motion. It’s precautionary. JR feels good. He’s fast on the ice, and doing well in his recovery. When they’re done and he’s free to go, he takes a shower, and gets dressed, and is one of the last to leave. Only when JR gets to his car, it’s started to snow already and he’s got a flat tire. Groaning, and shivering in the Utah winter, he checks his trunk for the spare. That’s when Apolo shows up. It’s terribly horribly cliché but it’s the truth. JR’s pulled the spare from the trunk, set it on the slushy ground, and is leaning on it, when Apolo walks up. 

“Flat tire?” he asks. JR bites back a sharp comment in response to such an obvious question, it’s not Apolo’s fault he’s having a bad day. 

“Yep. Must have run over something on the way back to the oval this afternoon,” he says, leaning his weight on the tire. It’s soft. He groans, letting it flop over on its side in the middle of the parking lot. 

“What’s wrong?” Apolo asks stepping up beside JR. JR kicks the spare. 

“It’s flat,” he replies. Apolo eyes the donut speculatively. He pulls out his cell. 

“You got AAA?” he asks, scrolling through his programmed numbers. “They can probably fill it for you, and help you get it on…” he trails off at JR’s glare. 

“I know how to get it on, Apolo,” he says grumpily. He lifts the spare back into his trunk and slams the lid closed. Apolo winces at the bang. 

“Dude, be nice to your car!” Apolo says, looking up at him again. JR sighs, opening the driver’s side door and climbing inside. He glances at his watch. 

“It’s already almost 8,” he complains, watching the snow collect on his windshield. “And it’s snowing.” Even as he says it the snow starts to fall harder. Apolo stands in the open door, looking down at him with this concerned look on his face. 

“You’re screwed man,” he announces. JR turns to look at him. “Think about it JR. It’s 8pm on a Saturday night in Utah. Most places are closed, so you’re relying on AAA. It’s snowing, which means lots of little accidents on the highways, and the temperature dropped, which means people needing jumps when their cars won’t start. Both of which mean lots of calls to AAA. It’ll be hours before they get here.” JR groans, letting his head rest on the steering wheel of his car. His stomach growls in hunger, making him groan again. 

“This has been a bad day,” he says mostly to himself. Apolo laughs. 

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride. We can deal with this during lunch on Monday,” he says motioning to the flat tire. JR blinks up at him. 

“And how am I going to get to practice on Monday?” he asks. Apolo smiles. 

“I’ll give you a ride, or someone else can swing by and get you. Stop worrying. Do you want a ride or not?” he asks. JR nods, climbing out of the car. He pulls his bag of gear out of the backseat, and locks the doors, setting the alarm, following Apolo to his own car a few spaces down. They both stick their bags in the back seat, and climb inside. Apolo starts the car blasting the hot air, and sets to defogging the windows. “You want to come over for dinner?” he asks once they’re on the highway. JR feels his heart skip a beat, but keeps his cool. 

“You want to have to go back out again later to take me home?” he asks. Apolo smiles. 

“Mostly I was hoping to get you to spend the night on my couch. Your house is twice as far away as mine is, and it’s coming down harder by the minute,” he says teasingly. 

“You want to have a sleepover?” JR asks. Apolo laughs again. 

“Yes, I was thinking we could paint our nails, and do each other’s hair, and totally talk about boys!” Apolo says mimicking a teenage girl. JR laughs. 

“You promise to feed me real food, not that crap John feeds you?” he asks. Apolo grins. 

“John’s out of town ‘til Tuesday!” Apolo says, his eyebrows wiggling. 

“So how bad are you planning on being?” JR asks. Apolo’s grin grows huge. 

“Deep dish meat lovers pizza with extra cheese,” Apolo says his eyes gleaming. JR laughs, even as his stomach growls at the thought. 

“Last hurrah before buckling down for the games?” he asks. 

“You know it!” Apolo answers. “So, what’ll it be? My exits coming up soon.” JR considers his options. Make Apolo drive out to his house in this miserable weather, and then all the way back to his own house; JR would then reheat leftovers, and sit alone until Monday. Or he can go with Apolo, spend the next day or so hanging out with him eating contraband pizza. Hard decision. Not.

“Only if you let us get those cinnamon twist things for dessert,” he argues. 

“One order, but we have to share. John’s already going to kill me when he gets back.” When Apolo’s exit comes up he takes it without further discussion. 

Within an hour the pizza has arrived, they’ve tipped the poor delivery guy extra because by then there are already a few inches of fresh snow on the ground, and the two of them are happily stretched out on the floor of Apolo’s living room, leaning back against Apolo’s couch, watching some old Christmas movie on the TV and stuffing their faces. JR eats too much, and at one point leans back against the throw pillow he has behind his back and groans, making Apolo laugh. 

“You’re such a light weight, JR!” Apolo teases, reaching for yet another slice of pizza. JR watches transfixed as he eats half of the slice in one bite. It’s really true, JR knows, that no one can out eat Apolo. The two of them have almost finished off 2 large pan pizzas and an order of the cinnamon things. He watches as Apolo finishes that slice, and sits back to relax, staring at the TV. JR however doesn’t stop staring. He’s warm, and comfortable, and full, and with Apolo. It makes him lazy and keyed up somehow at the same time, and he can’t look away from Apolo’s profile. Apolo laughs at something in the movie, and turns to see if JR’s laughing too. Instead he finds JR staring, and Apolo’s laughter dies away. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Do I have something on my face?” he asks, wiping at his mouth. JR grins. 

“Yeah, this really ugly patch of hair is growing right around here!” he reaches up to yank on the whiskers of Apolo’s soul patch, but Apolo’s hand closes on his wrist stopping him. The grin falls off JR’s face, when Apolo doesn’t immediately let go, doesn’t laugh, or push JR away, just sits there and holds his wrist. After a moment, Apolo’s thumb, where it’s pressed to JR’s inner wrist, starts to slide back and forth softly. It makes a shiver go up JR’s back. Apolo’s gaze holds his, only there’s no amusement there, only something JR has never expected to find shining back at him. He looks away in shock, taking a deep breath. Apolo lets out a long exhale, quickly letting go of JR’s wrist. 

“It’s getting late, I should,” he pauses, climbing to his feet, and gathering up the pizza boxes. “I should get you a blanket and pillow. I’ll be right back.” He leaves the room, carrying their trash with him, without looking at JR again. JR sits on the floor in front of the couch his heart pounding in his chest. Slowly he climbs to his feet, feeling vaguely disoriented and somewhat confused. Had that been what he thought it was? Really? Apolo had looked like he was about to kiss him. Right there on the living room floor, pizza breath and all. He’s still standing in the middle of the room gazing down at the spot where just a few minutes ago he’d almost been kissed by Apolo Anton Ohno, when said man returns to the living room. He steps around JR, moving quickly, as he sets down a pillow, heavy quilt, and sheet on the seat of the couch. He’s talking but JR’s ears have temporarily taken a break from working correctly. He hears “sheet”, and “towel”, and something about the bathroom, and an extra toothbrush under the sink?, before Apolo turns around, looking shaky and pale, it’s not an expression JR’s ever seen on his face before. Something must show on JR’s face, because Apolo freezes. 

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “Don’t think anything of it, JR. Seriously man, it was just a momentary thing…” he trails off. JR suddenly regains the ability to speak. 

“Were you about to kiss me?” he asks. He watches a very slight blush bloom on Apolo’s face. 

“Yeah,” he says hesitantly. “But, dude, it’s fine. Seriously, I thought for a while there, you might like me too, but I wasn’t sure. Now I know you don’t. So don’t worry about it. It won’t happen again!” he explains hurriedly. JR steps closer. 

“How can it not happen again, when it hasn’t happened for the first time yet?” JR asks. Apolo blinks at him looking confused. JR grins, stepping forward and pressing his mouth to Apolo’s. Apolo let out a little groan, opening his mouth to JR’s tongue. His mouth is warm and tastes of pepperoni and pizza spices, and something that has to be just Apolo. Apolo’s hands come up to frame JR’s face. When they separate both of them are short of breath. JR feels like he’s just completed a 500m race at full speed. He opens his eyes, (when had he closed them?) and looks down into Apolo’s. “OK. Now that it’s happened, we can discuss the likelihood of it happening again,” he whispers. Apolo’s answering grin shows he clearly doesn’t think discussion is necessary. 

“Or we could just skip it and get back to the kissing,” he offers. 

“I don’t know. Are you really going to make me sleep on the couch tonight?” JR asks. “Because I have an idea how we can burn off some of those extra calories.” Apolo’s widening grin has JR smiling in return. 

“I think that’s a brilliant idea,” Apolo says, forcing himself to let go of JR’s face, and heading for the stairs, JR following right behind him. 

JR’s been crushing on Apolo since he was 4. He’s been fantasizing about him since he was 12. He’s been in love with him since he was roughly 17 ½. And now at 19 he’s experienced him. Because make no mistake, having sex with Apolo Anton Ohno… it’s an experience. It was a thousand times better than JR had imagined, both more intense and more tender than he could have anticipated. 

It is several hours later, and the middle of the night when JR wakes up after a brief nap, to find Apolo’s eyes on him. It’s dark, but the moon is reflecting off the snow, and there’s plenty of light in the room for them to see each other by. JR’s on his stomach, curled toward Apolo, who’s lying on his side, facing JR. He’s got one arm up under his head, and his other hand is tracing patterns on JR’s bare back. JR blinks up at him, groaning a little, and shifting closer. Apolo’s hand slowly stops moving. Apolo’s eyes go to JR’s face. 

“Hey,” he says quietly. JR smiles. 

“What time is it?” JR asks. Apolo’s raises himself up to look at the alarm clock resting on the night stand behind him. 

“Almost 3am,” Apolo says, lying back down. JR blinks sleepily. 

“You haven’t gotten any sleep yet?” he asks. Apolo shakes his head, pulling the blanket up higher on JR’s back. “Why not?”

“I’ve just been thinking,” Apolo says hesitantly. JR looks at him in confusion, and sits up, moving to rest against the pillows. He doesn’t like how that sounds. 

“Thinking about what?” he asks, scrubbing a hand through his hair. 

“That I wish we’d done this last year,” Apolo says, rolling onto his back and looking at the shadowed ceiling, his face pensive. JR swallows thickly, his throat feeling tight. 

“Well, we did it now,” he says, trying to smile. Apolo grimaces. “What difference does it make?” JR asks. 

“You know what my life is like right now, JR. Every minute of my day is about preparing for the Olympics. That’s why John took this weekend away. It’s my last little bit of time before I crack down for the games full time. No more pizzas or texting after 6pm. No more going out to the movies, or having dessert, or eating anything that isn’t made by John to fulfill a nutritional purpose. I can’t do this and have you,” he says hesitantly. JR looks away. 

“Oh,” he says quietly. That, ok, that hurt. He fists a hand in the sheet. 

“I’m sorry. I just need to focus. Training and getting ready, those have to be my full attention. I can’t get distracted. JR?” he asks, sitting up to look at JR. JR nods turning to sit on the side of the bed. He takes a deep breath, and reaches for his boxers, and his jeans. “JR?” Apolo asks, moving up behind him. 

“What?” JR asks, pulling both pieces of clothing up his legs. He lifts himself up, pulling the clothes on, before sitting back down. He bends over searching for his t-shirt on the floor, the dim light making it difficult. 

“You don’t have to go!” Apolo protests. JR stands up; pulling on the t-shirt he’s found. He buckles his belt closed, and freezes when he feels Apolo’s arms go around him from behind. “JR?”

“Yes I do,” he says quietly, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “This didn’t happen. Do you understand?” he asks, pulling out of Apolo’s arms, and turning to look at him. Apolo seems so small standing there naked, while JR stands a full inch taller and fully clothed. “This didn’t happen.” 

“JR, don’t be like this,” Apolo says quietly, his confusion showing plainly on his face. 

“Be like what?” JR asks, forcing a smile. “I’m going to sleep on the sofa. In the morning I’ll call one of the guys and have them come get me. This is what you want, isn’t it, Apolo? Your weekend of freedom and debauchery before you hunkered down for the Olympics?” he asks. “Maybe I don’t like being a booty-call. I thought we were friends.” He shakes his head, straightening his shoulders. “You don’t have time for me?” he asks, fighting the urge to scoff. “I’ll see you in the morning, and if not then, at practice on Monday. Thanks for dinner and a couple of good orgasms. I hope you can make them last for the next 2 months or so.” Then JR is out of the room and flying down the stairs. 

In the dark, he makes his way to the living room. He quickly makes up the couch, finding his socks and shoes where he’d shed them earlier, he moves them to sit by the coffee table. He finds his bag where he’d dumped it by the door, and moves it to sit beside his shoes. He wants to be ready to go as soon as he can come morning. Then he sits down to wait. It is a little past 3:30am. It’s only 4 more hours before he can wake up Jordan and harass him into coming to get him. He pulls his knees to his chest, closes his eyes, and refuses to cry. Apolo doesn’t come downstairs. 

At 7:30 on the dot, JR picks up his cell phone and dials Jordan’s number. It rings and rings, before going to voice mail. Undeterred, he redials. 4 rings later, Jordan’s sleepy voice answers. 

“JR?” A groan. “What do you want? It’s way too early for a Sunday man!” he whines. JR takes a deep breath. 

“I need you to come get me. Now, please,” he says hesitant. Jordan sighs. 

“Where are you?” Jordan asks. JR hears him getting out of bed, standing up and stretching the kinks out of his back. JR likes this about Jordan, that he is the kind of guy who will get out of bed first thing in the morning on his day off if his friend needs him too. He might whine and bitch about it, but in the end he would do it without any real hesitation.

“Apolo’s,” he says shortly. There is dead silence on the other end of the line. 

“Dude, tell me you didn’t do what I think you did,” Jordan says. JR hears him opening and closing drawers in his room, Oly barking in the background. 

“Don’t ask any questions. Don’t tell anyone. And don’t give me a lecture, because I totally learned my lesson. Just get here. Please?” JR asks, his voice almost breaking. Jordan starts swearing on the other end of the line, getting dressed quickly. JR listens as he clomps down the stairs in his house, probably waking up everyone else in the process. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jordan agrees sounding pissed. JR hears him unlatch his door and pull it open, and then nothing, just the sound of a gush of air leaving Jordan’s mouth. “Um, JR?” he asks. “Have you looked outside lately?” JR slumps against the couch. 

“No. Why?” he asks.

“Cause it’s going to take me a while to get to you. We got like a foot of snow last night. Digging out my car is going to take at least an hour, and they haven’t plowed the subdivision yet,” Jordan explains. JR groans, getting up off the couch, and going to the front window. The street is a sea of white, and while Apolo’s car is safely tucked away in the garage, his walkway, driveway, and the street are pristine and untouched. JR sighs, going back to the couch to flop down. 

“When do you think you can get here?” he asks, wanting to cry. 

“Dude, I honestly have no idea. What the hell happened, last night?” Jordan asks. JR hears the door close at Jordan’s house. JR runs a hand through his hair. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he stands up from the couch, folding up the blanket and sheet he hadn’t used, and stacking them on the other end of the couch. Footsteps on the stairs behind him make him look up. Apolo stands in the doorway, fully dressed, and looking tired, like he hasn’t slept. JR turns away, stacking the pillow on top of the folded up blanket. Into the phone he speaks quickly. “Just get here when you can, ok?” he doesn’t wait for a response, just flips his phone closed, and sets it down on the coffee table. He sits back down on the couch, pulling his bag over to his feet, and goes through the side pocket to find his iPod. Apolo clears his throat, and JR looks up at him. 

“I thought you’d be gone by now,” Apolo says hesitantly. JR looks away. 

“Yeah, well we got about a foot of snow last night, Jordan’s snowed in, until they start plowing, and it’s Sunday in Utah,” JR answers, finding his iPod and sitting back on the couch. 

“You called Jordan?” Apolo asks, stepping closer. 

“Who did you expect me to call? Simon?” JR asks, turning to scroll through the music on his mp3 player.0 

“But Jordan?” Apolo asks. JR looks up at him, glaring. Apolo flinches, turning away, headed for the kitchen. “You hungry?” he asks as he passes behind the couch. JR shakes his head. “Want to talk?” JR sticks his ear buds into his ears, and cranks up the music, turning away without answering. 

JR is aware, even with his headphones in, of where Apolo is and what he is doing throughout the morning. He doesn’t move from the couch, even as Apolo rotates around him. He cooks a disgustingly healthy breakfast, sits down to eat, checks the news and weather on the TV and plugs in his cell phone to recharge. JR watches Apolo putting away the pillow and the blanket from the end of the couch, and taking the sheet to the laundry room. He’s also extremely aware of Apolo as he sits on the coffee table directly in front of JR’s spot on the couch. JR, however, continues to ignore Apolo, and doesn’t so much as glance in Apolo’s direction. Apolo on the other hand stares directly at JR, and seems intent on waiting him out. For almost half an hour, JR flips from one song to another on his iPod, and Apolo sits on the table in front of him watching him flip from one song to another. Finally JR can’t take it anymore. He removes the ear-buds, and looks up at Apolo. Only he focuses his eyes just past Apolo’s shoulder. 

“What do you want?” he asks coldly. Apolo flinches again. 

“I’m sorry,” he says simply. 

“Is that supposed to change anything?” JR asks. He rolls his eyes, and finally looks at Apolo. 

“It’s supposed to let you know that I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Apolo replies. 

“You’re right. You didn’t mean to hurt me. It’s not like you made any promises or asked me to be your boyfriend or anything. I should just get over it right?” JR asks. Apolo looks down. 

“I didn’t know this would upset you. I wasn’t even thinking about any of this last night.” JR swallows thickly. 

“That’s becoming very clear.”

“Will you just tell me what has you so upset?” Apolo asks. JR rubs his hands over his face, bracing his elbows on his knees. 

“No, I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to bring up all this stuff that ultimately won’t change anything. You’re Apolo Ohno, torturing yourself to get medals at the Olympics is your primary goal in life. That’s not going to change no matter what I say. And when the Olympics are over, I know you’re going to retire and leave SLC, and I’m going to go to Berkeley, so none of this is going to matter! So let’s just both pretend that none of this happened, okay?” he suggests. “Just leave me alone, and when I show up for practice tomorrow morning, I will do my very best to act like nothing’s changed. You can’t ask me for more than that, Apolo!” Before Apolo can reply, there is a honking sound from in front of the house, and JR’s phone starts to ring, the distinctive John Mayer song alerting him to the fact that it is Jordan calling. He picks it up, reaching for his shoes. 

“Hello?” he asks. 

“Hey, man, I’m here. You ready?” Jordan asks. JR sticks his feet into his tennis shoes without putting on his socks. He stuffs them and his iPod into his gym bag and stands up off the couch. 

“Yeah, I’m on my way out. Thanks man,” he says flipping his phone closed and picking up his bag. He steps past Apolo, going to where his coat waits by the front door. He pulls it on, re-shouldering his bag, before opening the door and turning to look at Apolo. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Apolo,” he says. He watches Apolo nod, and turns back around opening the door and stepping out into the cold December air of Salt Lake City. Jordan’s car sits at the end of the driveway. JR steps out into the snow, and promptly sinks downs to mid-shin. His feet immediately begin to get cold and wet. He hikes through the snow to the car, and climbs in. Jordan has a pretty worried expression on his face, as JR climbs inside. He slams the door behind himself and pulls his seatbelt on. 

“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?” Jordan asks. JR takes a deep breath. 

“Yes, eventually, but can we please just go?” he asks. Jordan nods reluctantly and carefully eases the car back into the main part of the street. Halfway back to JR’s house Jordan starts talking again.

“Where’s your car?” Jordan asks. JR rests an elbow on the door of the car, and cradles his head in his palm

“At the oval. I had a flat when I left practice last night. The spare was flat too. With the snow, and how late it was, Apolo offered me a ride.” 

“Why didn’t he take you home?” Jordan asks. JR feels his eyes start to burn, and blinks rapidly. 

“It was snowing pretty hard already. He asked me to come over for pizza,” JR explains. 

“Pizza? Where from? Was it good? What did you get?” Jordan asks eagerly, completely distracted, and practically drooling. JR cracks a smile. 

“Pizza Hut. Yes, it was delicious. Pan, meat lovers with extra cheese. It was deliriously good,” he explains. He recounts every detail of the previous night’s food splurge as they ride closer and closer to JR’s house. When they pull up the house, Jordan stops the car, and turns to look at JR. 

“Just tell me. You know if it’s something serious I’m not going to go blabbing to the rest of the guys. Something obviously happened last night,” he prompts. JR nods. 

“We ate, and then he almost kissed me but didn’t. He got up and walked out and came back with a pillow and blanket for the couch, so I asked him if he was about to kiss me. He apologized. So I kissed him,” he stops there, seeing the wince already forming on Jordan’s face. 

“And after that?” Jordan asks. 

“And then we went upstairs,” JR trails off, looking down at his hands. “What do you think happened?” 

“If you finally got him in bed then why aren’t you happy?” Jordan asks. “You’ve been in love with him for like forever!” JR shrugs. 

“Later, I woke up and he was watching me, and I asked him what was wrong,” he pauses again. “He told me he didn’t have time to be distracted right now. That he has to focus on preparing for the games.” JR doesn’t like how bitter he sounds when he says that. He hears Jordan start to mutter to himself. 

“So now what?” Jordan asks after a minute of silence. JR shrugs. 

“He’s cracking down for the Olympics, and we both know as soon as he’s done there, he’ll be retiring and moving on. I’m going to Berkeley in the fall. There’s nothing else to say really. He honestly doesn’t get how I feel about him, and I was not about to inform him after being told I would be too much of a distraction, so,” he doesn’t finish the sentence. “I’m going to go to practice tomorrow and watch him warm up and skate, and spend the whole day with him, and not say anything. I’m going to pretend the last 24 hours never happened!” His voice cracks and he clenches his fists, fighting not to let the tears fall. He doesn’t look at Jordan. “I’m fucking pathetic,” he growls. Jordan sighs from the driver’s seat. 

“You are not pathetic,” Jordan says. JR turns to look at him. “Ok, you’re a little pathetic. But you’ve always been a little pathetic when it comes to Apolo. This doesn’t really change anything.” JR laughs quietly, but it sounds broken. 

“I’m in love with a guy, who invited me over for a booty call without telling me that’s what it was. But you know, in his defense, he didn’t ever really say it was anything more than one night either. I think it was just typical Apolo. I know he can be a selfish Bastard, but this just really sucks.” Jordan nods. 

“You want me to kick his ass?” Jordan asks. JR grins shaking his head no. 

“Nah, we need him for the relay. But it would be great if you could put me down for your roommate assignment for the dorms. Jimmy wants our first picks next week. Just put me down and I’ll put you down. Think we could get Simon and Trav to put down, Apolo and each other?” JR asks. Jordan cackles. 

“Consider it done, I have dirt on both of them,” Jordan promises. JR smiles at him. 

“Thanks for coming to get me. I really appreciate it,” he says, looking out the car window at the dark house, his roommates both out of town for the weekend. 

“No problem man, don’t worry about it,” Jordan says. JR fishes his keys out of his jacket pocket and climbs out of the car, heading up the un-shoveled walk to the front of the house. 

JR spends the rest of the day reorganizing his bedroom to work off extra energy and trying to not think about Apolo. On Monday, Jordan gives him a lift to the oval, and JR spends a large part of the trip trying not to hyperventilate. When he gets there, Apolo is already running laps for warm-up. JR looks away, going to get changed into his standard warm-up gear of a t-shirt and gym shorts. When he and Jordan start to job, Apolo’s at the other end of the oval, and seems to be absorbed in the music playing on his iPod. They start running their laps, JR determined to act as normal as possible. 

Practice that morning is uneventful, if unusually serious. He’s not sure if Travis and Simon have picked up on the tension between himself and Apolo, and by extension Jordan, or if they’re just bummed about the start of the week, but even they are both subdued compared to normal. 

When morning practice finally comes to a close, JR waves good bye as Jordan, Travis, and Simon leave for lunch and a few hours rest, while he goes to call AAA. He’s just dialing the number when he steps outside, and finds a tow truck already waiting in the parking lot by his car. The driver gets out as JR approaches. 

“Hey you Celski?” the guy asks. JR nods. “Got a call this morning that you had a flat, with a flat spare, but that you wouldn’t be available ‘til noon.” The guy explains, retrieving a jack from the bed of his truck. JR nods. 

“Yeah, I was just about to call. Do you know who called you?” he asks. The guy looks at him with amused eyes. 

“Figured it was you,” the guy says, moving toward JR’s car. JR shrugs and unlocks his car door, popping the trunk and getting out the spare. He watches as the driver switches the tires out, much faster than JR would have been able too, and takes the jack back to his truck, returning with an air compressor to fill up the flat spare with fresh air. When he is finished he throws JR’s flat into the trunk, has him sign a slip of paper, and leaves. JR is left standing behind his car, surprised by how simple that had all been. He has a pretty good idea of who had called the tow truck, and he is fairly sure he isn’t happy about it. When he turns to get into his car, Apolo is standing on the sidewalk, hands shoved deep in his pockets. 

“Can we please talk? I think it’s important,” Apolo asks. JR thinks a moment before answering. 

“Fine. Where?” he asks. Apolo motions to his own car. JR nods, walking over and climbing inside. Apolo follows getting into the driver seat and starting the car, cranking up the heater. They sit in silence a moment, warming up. 

“I know I can’t say it enough, but I’ll say it one more time. I’m sorry,” Apolo offers. JR fights the urge to roll his eyes. 

“You don’t even know what you’re sorry for,” he counters. 

“Yes I do, sort of. I’m sorry that you thought Saturday night was something different from what I thought it was. There was a lack of communication on both sides of the issue, JR,” Apolo replies. JR bites his lip, conceding the point. “I’m assuming, because you won’t tell me, that you thought that the other night was the start of a relationship. I’m sorry that it can’t be,” Apolo continues. JR nods. 

“So am I,” he answers quietly. “I’m sorry I can’t be normal around you. I’m trying, ok?” he says hesitantly. 

“I want everything to go back to the way it was before. I think you had the right idea. Let’s just pretend it never happened.” Apolo’s suggestion makes JR laugh. 

“That’s more difficult than I thought it would be. It’s hard to be normal around the guy you’re in love with when they so obviously aren’t in love with you,” he says his voice low. “I suppose I’ll have to get used to it,” he says smiling. Apolo turns to stare at him. 

“You aren’t in love with me, JR,” Apolo protests. JR scoffs. 

“You think you know how I feel, now?” he asks. He shakes his head. “You don’t want to believe it, I can’t make you. But I am in love with you, Apolo! I have been for over two years. I’ve idolized you since I was four. I’ve been attracted to you since I was old enough to be attracted to someone, and I’ve been in love with you for over two years. So I’m sorry if I’m just a tad bit heartbroken over the fact, that I’m apparently too much of a distraction to be involved with you. That the Olympics are more important and that I’m just not worth it. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just is. I will eventually get over it. I just need some time!” JR is practically shouting. 

“I didn’t say you weren’t worth it!” Apolo counters. “But God JR, I’ve been working for two years to get into the best shape of my life. I’ve given up every aspect of a regular life in order to go one more time, my last time. I don’t want the last two years of aches and pains, crappy food, and hunger pains, to end in disaster because I couldn’t keep it in my goddamn pants. If it was any other year, if I was at any other place in my life, I would happily let myself fall in love with you. It would only be too easy. But I can’t!” Apolo shouts back. JR jumps at the final shout. “If I let myself have you, it would be too easy to fall, and you are worth it, JR! You would mean more than another medal, but I can’t let myself do that, to either of us. You’ve worked so hard to get to go to the games, to recover from that fall, to go and do well. I’m not going to distract you either,” Apolo finishes. 

“This sucks,” JR says quietly, pained, a few tears sliding down his face. Apolo goes to reach for him, but stops himself, sinking back into his seat. 

“I know,” he says simply, staring out the windshield. 

They sit in silence for a long time. After a while, JR gets out of the car and heads over to his own. Apolo doesn’t stop him. 

 

The remaining weeks leading up to the Olympics are filled with a Christmas trip home to Seattle, increased training, interviews, and photo-shoots. Slowly JR is able to act more normally around Apolo and vice versa. It takes a while, but eventually they are able to joke with each other, spot each other in the gym, skate the relay together, all without fights, glares, or shouting matches. They aren’t as close as they originally were, which they both regret, but that’s understandable. They go to Vancouver. They race, they medal. And when it is over, Apolo embarks on his media/school/whirlwind tour of the states, bouncing from place to place too fast to keep track of. JR goes to Worlds with the team, and then lets himself get lost in Europe for a few weeks. When he gets back to the states he packs up his stuff and moves home to Seattle for the summer, then it’s off to Berkeley. He sees Apolo a few times during that time. Once when the whole team goes to DC to meet the President and again when they both get honored at a special dinner in Seattle mid-summer. 

At Berkeley JR’s busier than he had thought possible. Between living in the dorms, his classes, staying in shape, and dodging fan-girls JR tries desperately to make sure he has some kind of a semi-normal college experience, including the occasional party, study groups, and making friends. So he has very little time to dwell on Apolo. Once in a while, after a particularly stressful day or during a bout of insomnia, he’ll lay in bed, listening to his iPod to drown out his roommates horrible snoring and he’ll think about SLC, about the guys, and training, and the Olympics. Eventually he ends up thinking about Apolo on those nights, remembering the only night they’d spent together. He absolutely refuses to think about Apolo during the day. He’s trained his mind well, and when it strays to that largely still sore topic, he switches gears to think about something else entirely. 

It’s not until the last few weeks of his first semester, just before finals that things change. It’s been almost exactly a year since that night, and JR would like to think he’s starting to move on. He still dreams about Apolo, but in no way does he want to be him, and as far as JR is concerned dating him is in no way possible now, so imagine his surprise when on one weekend he opens his door, and who is standing on his dorm room doorstep but Apolo Ohno, himself. 

JR stars at him blankly, his eyes sweeping up from Apolo’s tennis shoes, jeans, t-shirt, and baseball cap. To the average college kid he probably just looks like a really stressed out grad student relaxing on the weekend. Because Apolo’s face? It looks stressed out. It takes a moment for JR to gather his wits together and back away from the door inviting Apolo into the suddenly too small dorm room. Apolo looks overwhelmingly relieved to have been asked inside, and hurries to squeeze past him, watching as JR shuts and locks the dorm room door. JR invites Apolo to sit in his desk chair, while he sits on the only available seating remaining on his side of the dorm, the bed. 

“Hi,” Apolo says hesitantly. 

“Hi,” JR answers, not sure what to say. 

“So this is your dorm room? It’s smaller than I thought it would be,” Apolo says looking around. JR gives him a look, Apolo winces. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, Apolo, but why are you here?” JR asks smiling at him a little. Apolo took a deep breath, taking off his Mariners hat and running a hand through his gel free hair. 

“It’s,” he pauses. “It’s been a year,” he says softly. JR sits up a little straighter, he is aware. “I just wanted to see you. A lot has changed this year, JR, and I miss you.” 

“I miss you too, Apolo, but we probably shouldn’t be doing this.” JR stops and takes a breath. “Not that much has changed really, you’re in LA, and I’m not. Apolo why are you here?” he asks again. 

“I needed to see you. To see where things stand between us,” Apolo explains. 

“If this is some misguided attempt to make sure I’m ok, you don’t have to worry. I’m doing good. I’ve got classes, and study groups, and training. I’m making friends Apolo. You don’t have to worry about me.” JR says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m glad to hear that, but that’s not what I meant. This past year, I’ve done everything I wanted to do. The Olympics, retirement, the new book, the speaking engagements, 8Zone, everything I wanted to do. But I wasn’t as happy as I should have been, as I could have been,” Apolo looks away. “I miss you. I wanted you to be there for all of it. I just wanted you. I’m such a fucking hypocrite. Going on and on about having no regrets, living in the moment, making the best out of every day and striving-reaching for what you want.” He looks back at JR. “What I want is you. I’m so sorry, JR, for what happened before. I had to come here. I had to see you.” He stands up walking carefully closer to JR. He stops within touching distance, but doesn’t reach out. It takes a moment but eventually JR makes the first move. He reaches out, pulling Apolo closer by the belt loops of his jeans. He pulls and pulls again, until he is close enough for JR to rest his forehead on Apolo’s sternum. Apolo let his hands come up, to rest on JR’s shoulders. JR presses his face into Apolo’s stomach, and takes a deep breath, his shoulders tensing. 

“If you aren’t serious than you need to leave. Because I can’t do this again, Apolo,” he whispers, his eyes squeezing shut. Apolo smiles a little. 

“I’m very serious. I’m not saying it will be easy or that it will work out perfectly, but I‘ve already fallen hard for you, JR. The last time I fell this hard for something it led to three trips to the Olympics and 8 medals, before I had to break it off over irreconcilable differences,” he teases. JR laughs, winding his arms around Apolo’s waist, and hugging him tighter. Apolo lets one hand thread its way up into JR’s hair. “Does this mean I’m getting a second chance?” he asks serious once more. JR sighs. 

“Yes, don’t blow it again. I can’t promise a third one,” JR says hesitantly. He lifts his head to look up at Apolo. 

“I won’t. I love you,” Apolo says softly. JR’s face split into a wide grin, and he licks his lips. 

“Come here, then,” he says, pulling himself back on the bed, and tugging Apolo up to rest on top of him. Apolo spreads out there, bracing himself on either side of JR’s body, his lips pressing hesitantly to JR’s for the first time in a year. JR opens to him, just as he had the year before, pulling him closer, hands wiggling under clothes, clutching at hips, and backs, and at too long dark hair. The kiss breaks, and Apolo presses his forehead to JR’s, both of them fighting to catch their breath, and to get the clothes off of each other as fast as possible. Apolo has a brief moment of mental clarity and pauses in his effort to get JR out of his hoody. 

“Your roommate?” he asks, letting his mouth drag across JR’s jaw to press a kiss to JR’s neck. JR groans. 

“Is out of town until Tuesday! Bastards a film major. Only had one big project due for finals week. He already took half his shit home,” he stops to bite at Apolo’s chin. “He’s coming back on Wednesday to turn in the project and pack up the rest of his crap,” he explains. Apolo laughs leaning away to pull his t-shirt off over his head. It’s followed closely by JR’s. 

“That works out great then,” he says in response before diving for JR’s mouth again. JR’s hands stop him before they can start kissing once more. 

“How long are you in town for?” he asks, his forehead creasing. Apolo smiles. 

“I don’t have to be anywhere until Christmas. Pop’s expecting me back in Seattle,” he answers. 

“You’re staying here?” he asks. Apolo nods. 

“I’m sort of house hunting in the area,” he says hesitantly. 

“You’re moving to Berkeley?” he asks in surprise. 

“Well, San Francisco, 20 minute drive, tops,” Apolo answers. JR’s face splits into a wide grin. He reaches up to pull Apolo back down, only to be stopped by Apolo, a concerned look taking over the older man’s face. 

“Wait! Finals week? Shit, I didn’t think of that! Do you need to be studying or something? Because I can totally come back later,” he offers, completely serious. JR laughs, his head thrown back, and his face growing red with amusement. 

“Get back down here and kiss me. And then you’re going to fuck me. And when we’re done with that, you’re taking me out for food that is not from a vending machine, or off the meal plan, and tomorrow I will study all day to pass the next day’s finals. But tonight, is just about us. Got it?” he asks. Apolo nods. 

“Sounds like a plan,” he says, pressing his mouth to JR’s.

The End.


End file.
